Break on through to the Other Side..!

“Why don’t you do it..?” asked my manger, looking straight back at me, as I stood in his cabin, which also served as a makeshift meeting room at times like these.

I stood there, very unsure of what to make of my manager’s question. This was a far cry from my expectations, definitely much more from the expected norms with these scenarios.

It had all started with me posing a few innocent queries to S, the lead recruiter at my company, so as to our companies decision, regarding campus placement this year, from my Alma matter. These questions were fueled by the need to get a couple of people in my junior batch the handful, coveted internships with my firm, which undoubtedly pay well.

To tread with caution or take a swipe at it is the question that keeps dogging me whenever it comes to exploring the ‘uncharted terrain’. See my problem is that with my current work profile of a ‘Techie Geek’, I don’t think, that it is positively co-related to my skill sets (at the risk of sounding pompous). Ha!! Then again my skill sets (because of the lack of them) largely remain unknown. So any kind of work, which helps me break from the monotonous mould of software professional’s life, is highly welcome. This was it. This was a big break.

“What will I do in this entire episode..?” I asked with an innocuous smile plastered on my face. This was absolutely necessary to make sure I had comprehended the situation correctly.

“Well, you go in there, and give the presentation about the company. This should come easy to you, I am assuming. However, I would like the presentation to make some sort of ‘impact’ on the student’s mind. It will be step one to VMware Branding in India, and it depends upon this. At the end of the presentation, you swoop in and tell them about your experiences”

At this point, I just about managed to suppress laughter. This was of critical importance as my manager was clearly not finding it funny. I however, could not come to terms with:
• I will actually end up doing the presentation at my Alma matter, just 4 months after graduating from the same institution.
• How terribly un-interested I used to be when it used to come to the point of attending these presentations is just about anybody’s guess. I almost cringed at the thought of sitting through the placement presentation hearing someone ramble on and on about the(ir) company, And I have to be the speaker at one of these... (Bad Karma!!)

Well, it was not much of a question really; my manager as well as I both knew that this was the deal both of us were looking for. He got a person from the college to parade around as an example the tremendous faith the company put in its employees (which is definitely true... Shocking!!) And I get to do something that I yearned for, break out from the conventional mould of a ‘code-monkey’ life! Of course there was an understanding that I will try to do the job to the level best and responsibly, and it was understood I would be given the freedom to run things in Manipal and have fun while at it. It was a Deal!

Well, now the hard part, (as usual I don’t think things through!!). I would have never believed that coming down for placement is going to be this hard. I mean there a ton of things you have to discuss. The Paper, the sections, the cut-offs, the interview process, the magic figure, the interview questions, the give away goodies, and amongst these and several other things, the presentation. It is not easy, and you have to take my word for it. Well, maybe it got a little difficult for us as this was our first time round, and I was the chosen one!

Well, the presentation actually was a tricky bit; I was going to do the technical bit of the presentation before the whole my-experience-at-the-company shit. I could not just bear myself doing a presentation that bored the students to death. I mean there were certain people in the crowd who were definitely going to scream bloody murder (some actually did). But I could not compromise on the technical nature of the presentation as well as I would have taken the fall. Damn..!! As if explaining what Virtualization was easy..? Sigh!!

Well, we flew down from Bangalore to Mangalore, a day before the actual event, from where on we were whisked away in the awaiting cabs. (At this point I must take a break and mention that
• I had a bird’s eye view of the kingfisher reds and jet airways Blue jays, all the way.
• I was beginning to feel the rush, with all the special treatment. Being part of the recruitment entourage
• I was trying to pull another one of my stunts by not telling any body (my juniors) that I was coming down to Manipal for this.)

We stayed in the best address in town, and were really having a good time. I mean expect for the bit when I led the entire team to the placement department.


I could see the old Mr. Kamath sitting there, with his head buried in a stack of papers, just as always.

“Sir, Emc…” I started.

“They are coming tomorrow, come with your resume” He said without even raising his head to acknowledge my presence.

“But Sir, Emc…..” I tried again.

“9 AM PPT, They are coming tomorrow, 70% cut off for writing the test, no arguments regarding that and we don’t know about the pay package” He raised his head finally, and saw me. It still bobbled the same way.

At this juncture, my manager standing behind me decided to take things in his hands.

“We have come from EMC, for Recruitment”, he said with a lot of emphasis on the words ‘from’ and ‘recruitment’.

That got us all the attention I (we) needed. The placement department co-coordinator was pleasantly surprised to see me as a part of the recruitment team. He showered me with accolades, in front of my team, some deserved, and some totally out of the blue. I just stood there, smiled, took everything he said with a pinch of salt. A true professional.

Well, everything did not turn out as planned. I had a hard time convincing people I was in town as they would just simply refused to believe me over the phone. All the efforts for this to turn out as a surprise were going waste. I always land in these ‘backfired’ situations somehow. Yes, and they pulled a fast on me as well. But I will spare you the details. The day ended with friends at DT, the favorite student watering hole!

D-Day

It could not have started worse. Woke up late, and on doing a run through of the presentation I figured some things were out of place. Damn!! This was last minute panic like never before and Microsoft Windows was driving me crazy. My laptop battery was also acting funny and just refused to work.

This could not be happening. Damn you DT…

Finally I got the presentation going.

Hurried to the seminar hall where the students had already gathered. As I hurried past them, I could gather some of them were really surprised to see me there. I preferred not to look back, not really sure why.

Well, after a couple of anxious moments and trial runs with the hardware, we were ready to start. By now the number of students had increased. I scanned the crowd for familiar faces, seeing them made me happy. Deep down after seeing them I also said that extra bit of prayer hoping things go right. Phew!!

Well, the presentation began by one of the seniors from the Recruitment team introducing the company. Well, even though I was up next and was supposed to do the major part of the presentation I could not help laughing and feel terribly bored at the same time. This was scary. Going by the statistics, I would also be laughed at. People would be falling asleep. This was not really my idea of my first big presentation. And my senior was doing a bad job of it as well. Thanks to him setting the stage for me, pulling it up from here was going to be an uphill task.

“And now Salil will take you through the remainder of the presentation…”

Well it almost caught me unawares as I was deeply immersed in my thoughts about what to do when I took the stage.

The next few seconds were special. My head was buzzing. I stood up and went ahead took the collar mike, fiddled around with it trying to buy time. I learnt that no matter how you prepare for such an event, it actually depends on how confident you are when you utter those first few words….

“Well, I really don’t know what to say”

Eh..? These were not the first few words I had prepared for. I am sure my manager must have been shocked; I did not even look at him.

“Well, it’s a funny feeling, standing up in front of you guys, giving a pre-placement talk.

All this considering the fact that just about 4-6 months back I was amongst the crowd on the other side attending these presentations getting thoroughly bored…”

Some people laughed…That felt nice… I saw a familiar face smile… that was immensely re-assuring. I said still had a mountain to climb thanks to the former speaker.

“Watch it Suri”, I said to myself, “don’t slip into the casual mode.”

“Well, let’s see how many people know about virtualization…Any guesses?”

I said trying to involve the people in the crowd.

I had not planned this also. What was wrong? Why could I just not stick to what I had planned? I should know by experience that people don’t answer such questions. We as students mostly plan to just sit through the presentations and stare like zombies while the presenter rambles on.

I was just going to return to the planned presentation…

“It has something to with multiple operating systems…” said a guy seated in third row. I don’t know his name but I will always be thankful to him. Something I must have said must have been right…

Soon couple of people poured in their guesses, and it all changed. I was ready to go at this…. From this point on I could not stop talking. Being melodramatic, being casual. Being serious. I went on and on.

When I finished, I really don’t know how it went. That is not for me to judge anyways. But as somebody else took the stage, I looked around and I could see that the recruitment team was smiling. That was infinitely reassuring. As I looked into the crowd I could see people smiling.

Now they could have been laughing at me as well, but then some people were definitely not. And I guess that’s an okay performance for the first presentation.

Well, to think that it was all over couldn’t be further from the actuality. I mean as the day progressed the written test, the correction, the cut-offs the interview list… and finally the interviews.

One of the things about an interview is you always tend to hear about these incidents with cocky students pulling some stunts. Well, it was my turn to experience one in person.

“So do you have any questions to ask?”

“Is it a chill company to work for..?”

“Huh..?”

“What time do you expect me to come to work?”

“Huh..? What time do you want to come to work?”

“You see I have a problem getting up early, and I tend to miss my first class…”

Laughter……

“It’s okay we have flexible hours…”

Now taking an interview one on one is not that easy as it looks. It’s really taxing and by the end of it my head was swimming. I could not have distinguished between the C and the sea, and the kernel and the Colonel. This was turning out to be more than I had bargained for.

Gosh! I needed alcohol in my system.

We packed up and left the college premises. And I rushed to the hotel. I changed and dashed to join my friends at DT. It had been a long day. We danced, we drank. Felt like I had never passed out of college. Manipal is like Neverland, and I am sure miss pixie dust will agree. It had definitely been 2 very long memorable days, right down to the very last hour.

We flew out the morning next day; it was back to the office grind but not before I caught up on sleep. I reported 4 in the afternoon (We actually have flexible hours)

It felt nice to be on the other side. Any guesses which side I am talking about?

Code Monkey..!

Code Monkey get up get coffee
Code Monkey go to job
Code Monkey have boring meeting
With boring manager Rob
Rob say Code Monkey very dilligent
But his output stink
His code not ‘functional’ or ‘elegant’
What do Code Monkey think?
Code Monkey think maybe manager want to write god damned login page himself
Code Monkey not say it out loud
Code Monkey not crazy, just proud

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you

Code Monkey hang around at front desk
Tell you sweater look nice
Code Monkey offer buy you soda
Bring you cup, bring you ice
You say no thank you for the soda cause
Soda make you fat
Anyway you busy with the telephone
No time for chat
Code Monkey have long walk back to cubicle he sit down pretend to work
Code Monkey not thinking so straight
Code Monkey not feeling so great

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you a lot

Code Monkey have every reason
To get out this place
Code Monkey just keep on working
See your soft pretty face
Much rather wake up, eat a coffee cake
Take bath, take nap
This job fulfilling in creative way
Such a load of crap
Code Monkey think someday he have everything even pretty girl like you
Code Monkey just waiting for now
Code Monkey say someday, somehow

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you

Well, this is a song by Jonathan Coulton. This was the first to come to my mind when a friend of mine pointed out about the useless existence of a software professional in Bangalore. He raved about other cities, other professions and regurgitated facts, which could only make me believe that we have a doomed existence with exactly nothing to look forward to.

~Get up-Work-Lunch-Work-Work-Dinner-Sleep~

This actually becomes the way of life for most of us. I could not argue with my friend, with the kind of numbers he had on his side. I was forced to think about the hordes of people drifting aimlessly through their life satisfied with their comfy IT job. I felt sad. I felt scared. Some of us have even made peace, with a job they really don't want to do. All this, because without a cushy job, a handsome six-seven figure salary, there is actually no future. I can now probably understand what job-security is all about, and why it was accorded so much importance in my conversations with my Dad.

With 4 years of engineering behind me, I expected life to hold better in store for me. I guess I can't come to terms with the run of the mill stuff that becomes a part of your life. But I believe that the final call on the matter still lies with you. If you can dare to take a stab at the way things work, if you actually want to make a difference. Then there are no chinks in your amour. But then again, it takes more than writing a stinky post from the chair in your cubicle, staring at your computer screen. :)

All around me I can see people getting comfortable with the jobs. When you look at the ATM Slip, with your first salary in the bank. It’s a rush. I guess people really have to experience that. I will not do justice to the emotion(s). The lure of so much money in your A/c after a nearly-always-cash-stricken existence in college is just too strong. The planned CAT/GRE/GMATS... all fade into the background [at this point, I will like to apologize to people, who don't fall under this category]. They are replaced by Take-homes/Appraisals/Blah-Blah.... This change is so subtle that it almost catches you by surprise. Near about almost. It is like 'engineered' precision.

I am surprised that people don't see it coming. I could not. I want to trade my current way of life with my college/school existence. But I don't. And it’s not easy. Actually breaking out of this mould, which just reminds me of a vivid description of quicksand in a marshland, given by my friend, is a whole lot harder than it seems.

Where is the time to enjoy all the small simple things that you used to? To kick back with a book? To party everyday..? It all seems such a distant past.

I guess today I feel like I have just evolved to being a Code Monkey... Sigh!!

..........

What is the deal with people out there..? Why in the Gods NAME will they go about changing names? First it was Chennai from Madras, then amchi Mumbai from Bombay… Then people start playing around the states, with new ones like Uttranchal, Jharkand… Why..? Does anybody think the impact this can have on 14 year olds trying to cram in for their upcoming geography test? Or how I have to change the name my previous post, making it totally out of context?

And Bengalooru? It sounds like name for a asylum, or maybe I am being too harsh on the ‘Bengal’ part of it! And I think changing the name for a global address, much frequented by the cyber czars, like Bangalore will only not make for a favorable impression. At least, I would not be happy with post addressed to me, Bengalooru in capital letters…

a cONVERSATiON dESIGNED...

It was all dark. The drapes must have been pulled over by someone. I could hear faint music in background, or maybe it was just my head buzzing a little. I decided it was time to step outside the room. I came out from my room into the hall. It is a little more than a simple hall that any other house has. The BoB Marley, Gorillaz, Doors… posters that adorn our walls, always draw a gasp from a first time visitor to our house. It’s very much bare in nature other than the walls, the library that showcases the plethora of books we have amassed over some time now and the 3 bean bags that are our cherished possessions. The black light shining over the HOLY TRINITY wall hanging accounts for a major chunk in the surreal peaceful environs of the hall. And it all seemed more beautiful today.

I fumbled around in the kitchen, trying to put together an assorted platter from whatever was available. Suddenly X. came out of his room, finally. He looked a little strange, with his eyes narrowed down. He looked near about comical. He looked my way. The gaze was almost as if he had looked right through me. My first guess was that he must have been sleeping or something. I stood there with my plate in my hand. I was experiencing an unexplained pleasure in observing X. His antics were definitely not in line with his normal behavior.

On an impulse, that I yet can’t explain,

“You all right..?”

“I am as fine as I could ever be”, X. said with his trademark lopsided grin.

I was not to be denied,

“You seem funny, what’s the deal..? Why have you been locked up in your room all day long?”

“I was busy…”

“Your phone’s been ringing as always...”

“I know.”

“Have you been smoking weed again…?”

“Something better dude, something better, it’s ACID”





The sound of the 4 letter word spoken aloud was enough to send a shiver down my spine.

“Why…? What..? Where did you get it..?”
I knew these questions were inconsequential. And were hardly even expected to be answered. I shut up. There were no more silly questions.

My Amusement with X. grew. I decided to move in.

“What’s going on in your head now..?”

“It’s all peaceful and serene”

I could hear the ambient sounds, mildly hypnotic coming out of the room. I knew it was getting to him.

“So, you thirsty yet..?”

“No”

“Food..?”

“No”

Both of us sat down on the beanbags, facing each other. X. faced the BoB Marley wall and I faced the wall hanging. For near about ten minutes there was hushed silence. I had lost interest in the food on my plate. We sat there. X. stared right through me with a wry smile on his face. I did not look away, I stared back half amused half intrigued.

“Stop staring at me”

“Where do you think this will take you?”

“Life is a preparation…. For a transition….To another Dimension…”

“What are you thinking..?”

“Aldous Huxley once said, when the doors of perception are cleansed everything will appear as it is… INFINITE”

“Is it worth it?”

“Jim said: Do you believe in the long, prolonged derangement from the senses to achieve the unknown”

“Why are you laughing?”

“What do you think I am tripping on?”

I was amazed at the directness of the question. It was a rebuttal to my question. It was a revelation of sorts. I broke into a smile. I knew the answer.

“Me”

…Laughter….

“Can you type out your trip for me?”

“It’s too fast”

“Let’s play 10 questions!”

I was not sure what kind of response was expected. I was surprised by the answer.

“Ok”

“Can you hurt people?”

“I guess, but I never intend to”

“Can you be disconnected?”

“I prefer a passive state”

“Something important to you?”

“My space, my desires, my goals, my ambitions, my relationships, my conscience”

“Religion or Spirituality?”

“Spirituality”

“You fear…?”

“Stagnation, Aimless drifting through life, Failure…”

“One thing you hate?”

“Mobile Phones, too intrusive”

“What makes the world go around?”

“Oil”

“The Journey?”

“Life”

“The Destination?”

“Death”

The answer was so obvious, too blunt. I should have seen it coming. We exchanged a long stare.

“Ok, one last question. Are you tripping on ACID?”

…Laughter….

I guess I knew the answer; but there were no answers expected for this question. X. stood up and walked towards his room. He turned around just as he approached the door of his room, “William Blake once said, Nothing lasts, But Nothing is Lost…..” He laughed and I could see his trademark lopsided grin, one last time. And with that he shut the door behind him. The music was fading. I relaxed and stretched myself in the bean bag. I smiled; it had been a very interesting conversation. I put my head back, comfortably placed myself for a nice long sleep. Before I closed my eyes I saw;



I saw the HOLY TRINITY dancing to BoB Marley’s tune. One Last Time……………